The Nervous System and the mother
My son at 3 months old!
My son is usually really good at taking naps. When he’s tired, he asks for his bottle (lovingly named “BaBa”), and his blanket and happily walks his way over to his bed. Lately since the daylight savings time change, he’s been taking his naps later in the day, and these last few days, he has been refusing to take his naps at all.
Today was looking like one of those days where he wasn’t going to nap because every attempt to put him in his bed ended up with him coming to my room. We did this about 20 times, and no amount of yelling or discipline “made” him go to sleep (he’s only 2), I started to get stressed out, and for me my stress responses spiral into a cascade of more stresses. Moms everywhere know that nap time is “get as much stuff done as possible” time, so while I was concerned about sleep schedule (lack of nap can lead to a major attitude at the end of the day), I was also worried that I wouldn’t get the little break I know I needed.
So on my last attempt to put him in the bed, giving up on a solution, I decided to lay in his bed with him. It worked. He fell asleep. I believe it was the closeness of having me nearby which helped to allow his nervous system to finally settle down.
I really wish that having a regulated nervous system was taught regularly in childbirth and parenting classes. It’s taught in specialty classes and in “crunchy mom” settings, but it’s not that popular yet. I guess it’s not really popular in mainstream health either.
My son at 9 months old!
I didn’t do much nervous system regulation during my pregnancy. I knew about it but didn’t really understand how it works until becoming a mom. If you’re a mom, or pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant, learn to regulate your nervous system now! I learned from my prenatal yoga teacher training that it’s never too late to regulate. Because nervous system regulation requires you to work with being present, this awareness also helps to heal the past moments when you were dysregulated. Like Eckhart Tolle says in “The Power of Now”, being in The Now allows us to heal the past AND future. And while the nervous system is a physical connection of nerves in the body, it uses electricity to communicate amongst neurons, making it also very ethereal in nature. My son is still very sensitive to the nervous system work that I do in my body, even though he’s already 2 years old and isn’t growing in my body anymore. This is called co-regulation. We all do this, but especially unknowingly. This is how you or your partner can be irritated and dysregulated and it can rub off and transfer and spread all over.
Here are some ways to regulate your nervous system:
Pranayama - Breath work and energy work is one the quickest and most accessible ways to drop into your body and drop into the present, especially in times of fight or flight, in which our sympathetic nervous system activates. When we’re in a chill state, we want the parasympathetic nervous system to activate but it can be hard when your breathing is equivalent to reacting to a bear chasing you. While situations don’t always call for us to be “chill”, breath can help us find that neutral point and overall lets our bodies know that we are safe and everything will be okay.
Go Outside and Spend Time in Nature - Nature’s ecosystem is the blueprint for healthy functions within our body, and our bodies know that. The moment our senses take in nature, whether it’s the sound or color of trees, the sight or sound of water, we experience a nervous system reset because all of the cells in our body recognize that we are one with nature. Nature doesn’t fight it’s nature, and this reminder allows our bodies to calm down.
Loving Touch - First start by lovingly touching yourself (self hugs, gentle abhyanga massage, etc) then lovingly touch someone you love. Be sure to do your pranayam and walk outside in nature first before touching another when you’re dysregulated, as other humans can definitely sense your dysregulation in your touch. Even if they not be sensitive enough to identify it, it will still effect them.
Yoga - of course. A movement practice like yoga with a strong emphasis on the breath can help to move trapped and dysregulated energy out the body. A strong vinyasa practice (flow/breath to movement) can also help the nervous system get out of a perpetual freeze state in our parasympathetic nervous system. Bonus regulation if you can do yoga outside in nature and add loving touch to your yoga routine.
Dance - another movement practice to help drop into the body and out of the mind. Dance was always our ancestors go to for everything and for very good reason. Allow yourself to get lost in a trance and watch your stress melt away.
Singing - using your voice to sing or chant as a vibration to move energy up and out the body is a sacred way to regulate your nervous system. Again, our ancestors knew very well.
Sleep - sleep is one of the biggest moments our body heals itself. Even a 20 minute nap can do wonders for a fried nervous system. Prioritizing getting full rest at night can shift your life.
As mothers, it’s important for us to learn how to regulate our nervous system while trying to conceive and during pregnancy because our babies are growing in us and immediately respond, so when they come out Earthside, they have a better advantage at self regulation. As parents, when we are regulated, we are not only physically modeling self regulation for our children but also energetically. This work can heal generations, past and present. Like I said, it’s never to late to start the healing work.
Click here to book a personal break through power yoga session with me to help regulate your nervous system.
Click here to book a one on one prenatal yoga session with me to help regulate your nervous system.
